M. is gay.
Is it harsh to say it that way?
But I guess, it's partly true.
I just finished reading "A Clock Without Hands" by Guy Burt. It is amazing. And it had me crying towards the end. It took a while to get adjusted to the way it was written, how it seems to jump between four different times in the main character's life, but it's really good. I think it was the perfect thing for me to have read at just this moment in my life. It deals with a lot of stuff I've been thinking about lately, especially how a lot of us only seem to live in the past. What I mean is, I only ever understand things after I have no way to change them, to fix them. So, we get lost in the past, finally piecing things together, while we continue to struggle to wade through the present, while life before us continues to puzzle us completely. It also deals with a lot of other things, some that were just so heartbreaking to read. But it was perfect for right now.
Anyway.
It's my birthday today.
It should be a good thing, but instead, it feels just like all the others. Everyone's life continues on the way they're going, and this day doesn't change a thing. My birthday has never been this great big special thing, so, I suppose, that's how I have come to see it. But that doesn't stop the anticipation, as if I'm still hoping that something might happen. That isn't likely though. And I don't really expect it anymore. Everyone is always busy with work and life, I'm just a second thought anymore, if that.
Oh, and I got an email from my dad last night. I read it today, and he wished me a happy birthday, as well as spouting a bunch of other stuff about how he prays for me everyday. He's an ordained minister, now. He took two months to reply to my letter, and the one I sent before that didn't even get a response. But he "loves" me. I'll tell you what, I feel the love.
I feel the love.
Ta.
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