Emptiness.

There isn't anything there.

It's an emptiness, and I can feel it.

A nothingness, and I haven't got a clue how to fill it.

I suppose there's a reason I've always hated summer the most, because it all seems so pointless, now it's brought to my attention.

And if it's pointless, what am I to do?

Too much is starting to feel out of my control. There isn't anything behind it all, and that's what drives me to this.

I'm starving, but I'm not hungry. I'm tired, exhausted, worn out, but I can't fall asleep. I'm thirsty, but I refuse to drink anything.

But really, I'm just frustrated. I'm so lost, right now, and I haven't a clue why. Worst of all, I have no idea how to find my way back.

I'm afraid this will persist even when school starts at the end of August.

Even more, though, I'm absolutely terrified that, instead of finding my way out of this, I'll just give up.

And (what I don't want to think about) what actually happens when I do?

All I know is, it's making me angry, this nothingness. All I know is, it's killing me inside, this emptiness. Hollowed out. Eaten from within.

Self-pity, I loathe it. What if that's what I'm feeling? Am I a hypocrite then? Or maybe that isn't it. I don't know. I just feel pathetic, and boneless, and pointless, and infuriated at myself and everything around me.

I'm killing myself slowly and I don't even know why.

And at this very moment, no matter what anyone says to me, all I want to do is tell them to just 'fuck off.' I know I can't, but I want to.

And the worst part is, I can't even write. And that, that kills me more than anything else combined.