Where to start?

Oh boy, where oh where do I begin to tell you all that has happened these past few days?

I suppose I could start at the very beginning, and hope I don't forget anything, or leave important details out. So, prior warning, this post will be long, make sure you have 1) enough interest to sustain you, 2) enough time to sit and read forever, and 3) a frown, a smile, and advice at the ready.

Okay, by days, this is what happened.

Wednesday:
Day of the Senior Kisses, M. came to my locker between 3rd and 4th, and all he said was "Thank you for the kisses." It seemed like he wasn't affected at all by it, nothing really changed. That was also the day we (all of us in Latin) exchanged senior pictures. I felt suitably discluded when I had to wonder what it was that he wrote on B's card. And all that other suspicious/jealous feelings, you know.

Thursday:
Still nothing changed. Came to my locker as usual, but we walked (what felt like) rather quickly to our group of friends at their locker. Thus, in one-on-one time, there was hardly anything. That was also the day I had planned to tell him what I was thinking. I had a nice little speech all organized in my thoughts, that would lay it all out - that I liked him, I thought he liked me, but I wasn't sure, yadda yadda yadda, we'd never see each other after high school if nothing happened, etc etc. But, no opportunities presented themselves. In Latin, it seemed like he was ignoring me. I think I probably felt hurt, but masking that was irritation. We took a test, and he kept helping B. I think that just really irked me, that whole resentful feelings, wounded animal, etc. When I was almost done with my test he asked me "Why are you mad?" I told him that I, well, couldn't tell him. He asked me "Why? Is it because you're mad at me?" I don't remember how I answered, probably "No." but nevertheless, he stayed quiet for the remainder of class. After class, however, when we got out into the hall, he goes "You know you can tell me. Doctor M. is here to listen." When I told him "I don't know. I don't even think I can put it to words. I don't even know myself. et cetera." I don't really know exactly what I said, but essentially, that I couldn't even describe it in my head, so I had no idea how to begin to tell him. He said okay, but to message him on Facebook if I figured it out. Then we said goodbye.

At about 5 o'clock that night, I wrote up what I had wanted to say to him, my little speech, and I emailed it to him (on facebook, of course). I heard no response from him that night, and I assumed that he either 1) never read it, 2) never got it, or 3) didn't like me back, or even 4) would tell me what he wanted to at school the next day.

But, FRIDAY:
He did nothing. I never saw him between 2nd and 3rd period, but he came to my locker between 3rd and 4th. Still, though, he didn't do anything. He didn't act like anything was different. It was our last day of school ever. But still, he didn't do anything. He had a different lunch period than me, but he also was a teacher aid during my lunch. When he persuaded his teacher to let him have second lunch as well, he showed up at my locker. We had lunch with everyone else, sat next to each other on the front lawn, etc. Come Latin, we sat there, it was boring, he asked for a hug from another girl in our class. It certainly hurt when he didn't ask for one from me. To me, it felt like a blatant message, a sort of "I don't like you. Do you see? If I did, I would have asked for one from you, too." It was also confusing, because it seemed like he liked me earlier. And honestly, it ruined the rest of my day. I'll be frank about that.

After school, I was standing by my friend's lockers. Again, feeling left out. Not feeling the whole "YAY! This is my last day of school, I'm so excited, I'm going to miss you, blah blah blah." No, I just felt disconnected. U. (from all those posts before, you don't remember him, I'm sure), well, I don't know if I like him really too much, he isn't my type, he likes to do the whole show-off, macho guy thing. But he's a good guy, I think. Well, he asked for a hug. THe only hug I got the entire day. Still, in the end, I didn't want to mooch a ride off of someone, so I decided to walk home instead. 3.5 miles. It was hot. Like, 90 degrees hot. But I got to think. Then, when I got home, I drank a lot of water, and lay down on my bed, listening to some music, almost falling asleep. Mom came home, made some dinner, and I was sitting on the couch when U. called and asked if I wanted to go have dinner with a him and bunch of others.

This is where the story is going to become confusing, for me (mostly), as well as you, since you don't know the background on U.

So, I'm going to take a break, and write it in another post.