O.O

I should have written a post this morning. It would have been about ten times peppier. Lol.

I was in such a great mood when I woke up this morning. I couldn't stop grinning ear-to-ear, maybe a couple of jumps, squeals, laughter, etc. Why? Not sure, really, not sure at all.

But I had such fabulous energy when I woke up. And even though I didn't get to bed until a little after midnight, I was so awake. I love that feeling.

I still have my finals this week, and that means I have to study. Hmph. Oh well. It's worth it.

According to my English teacher, they hand out most of the Senior "Kisses" during first period. You know what? When she said that? My eyes grew - wide. Very. I'm absolutely terrified, and having some major doubts about whether or not he still likes me. I want to go for the coward's way out and just tell myself that he likes B. now, just like some other girl, who I know and loathe, told me he does. But I know I don't believe her, I absolutely can't. It goes against my principles. I don't account feelings to one person based on what another person (who doesn't know them) thinks. Gossip is degrading, especially if you listen.

I won't bow down to low self-esteem. I battled that crap years ago, I won't succumb to it now.

And besides, you only get two choices in life. You can either jump into things headlong or skulk away silently. I refuse to run, I refuse to hide, I need to create who I'll be when I'm done with high school - and a coward isn't high on my list of identities. Anyway.

I got his senior photo today, and he wrote a note on the back (because everybody does that). He essentially said, "You are so amazingly talented and I wish you all the luck and happiness you can achieve!" And then signed it "Love, M."

I don't want to be one of those girls who analyze every word, applying meaning that isn't there. So, I won't. But, if he didn't like me, would he have written 'love'?

Ah hell, I don't know. I won't think about it. In fact, I'm going to do something else instead.

I'm not going to think about how he didn't write 'stay in touch' or any nonsense like that. I'm not going to wonder if he got me a Senior "Kiss" or anything else.

I'm going to read/write some poems, read a book, study my math a little, drink some water, listen to my music, and sleep. Then, I'll get up in the morning, and figure things out as I go.

That's the way life ought to go.

If you overanalyze, then you're bound for nothing but endless thinking and your own private hell.

I'll keep you updated, though, on how things do go, if they go. If not, you'll hear, no doubt. :D

Ta!