I never realized. . .

how much some things matter, and how little some do.

As I walked out of school yesterday, surprisingly warm in the chill weather, I finally realized something. I finally feel like a senior. I finally feel like I might be growing up. I don't know. Perhaps I over-exaggerate. But yesterday, as I crossed the snow-covered road and opened the small, metal gate, and walked down the sidewalk toward my house, I finally felt older. I felt calm. I felt above it all. Not to say nothing mattered, but simply that nothing felt as huge as it once did. Everything seemed smaller, I felt taller, and things seemed manageable for once. And I really do feel taller. I feel as though I've finally shed the skin of that teenager I once was, ready to throw my shoulders back and lift my chin and say "To hell with it, bring it on." Nothing is impossible, anymore.

Again, I believe I over-exaggerate, but still. Thursday I taught myself to understand my math homework, and I did. I learned it, and I finished my homework, and I took my test. And I felt confident doing it. It was amazing, remarkable. I have no words.

Another point, instead of fearing college, I'm almost anxious for it. I want to just get it over with. Or at least, the first awkward week or so. I just want to finish growing up and get it over with.

Since it's official that I am one of ten valedictorians at my school, and we had a meeting with the principal on Friday, I now have the option of doing a speech, or not, in front of the entire class and everyone else who decides to attend graduation. Um, intimidating much? I'm halfway confident that I could write a decent speech, I'm not anywhere near to being sure if I would be able to deliver it. I have a hard enough time with a single class of less than thirty people. Try a class of 379, all of their parents, and a large portion of the faculty of my school. Shit. That sounds a lot. *clears throat* Well, I have (counts on fingers) three months to figure it out, don't I?

Anyway, I have to go get ready now. I have to be decent by 6:30, while still reading the book I started this afternoon. Which gives me about two and a half hours. Oh dear. That could be problematic. But it's nothing, in the long run. I can do this. It's a drop of water in the ocean.

So say it with me, "Bring it on." (And no, we really really really aren't thinking about that movie of a similar title. Unfortunately, it just popped into my head, and damn it all if I will think about it any longer. Cliched phrase, but that tends to happen when people have been thinking and talking and writing for well over two thousand years. Sometimes, you've really got nothing else but cliched phrases in this world. *sighs* Enough rambling, time to go.)

;)

As I said before, and maybe I'll believe it now: everything will work out in the end, everything'll be alright. I just never realized it before.

I wonder, is it just me who finds some of the music I listen to ironic, considering what I actually believe in? It's a good song, though. I hold no prejudices against something that might make me feel better. It's something I couldn't do.