Meditating.

It seems I've found my own form of meditating. Set my MP3 to a small playlist, turn the music up, lay on my bed, and just listen. Let the sounds wash over me, the images, the scenes. I have to organize my thoughts in some way, catalogue the images and events. It's hard. Extremely so. But I find it helps to listen to the music this way. Good, calm songs, full of pianos and violins and operatic voices and soothing guitars. Well, not the full complement, but close enough anyway. *smiles*

That's how I've fallen asleep the past three nights. Unfortunately, my MP3 died on me last night, so I was without anchor. Though, thankfully, the house was quiet by then.

It's also a good way to ignore for a moment all the things that irritate you during the day. And there were a lot yesterday. Or, namely, one specific thing that made everything else intolerable. U. He has the thickest skull I know. The thickest. I don't know what to do with him. I just want to punch him in the face, but of course, that's what he would really want me to do. I really am going to have to write this story down someday. So far, my best friend L. is the only one who's heard the entire story, or as "entire" as I get, at least. Maybe you shall too.

But all I can think at the moment is 'one more night.' One more night and then I'll have my entire vacation ahead of me, of listening to my music as I fall asleep, of pretending that everything is okay with the world. I have hopes that it will be someday, but not today. I know it'll be a while. *sighs* I just wish it wasn't so difficult to wait. I've never been patient, and I'm only now learning the skill.