I hate it here.

I'm having a lot of difficulties right now.

I don't know if it's because of my medicine, or if it's because these few things in my life really are that intolerable. Did I even use the right word? In- or Un-tolerable? Who even cares?

I used to. Fuck.

I'm going to school online. I hate it. The classes are formatted the same, exactly the same. They go on the same schedule, they do the same thing. All I'm doing is writing papers and trying to read books online. I'm on my computer all the time because of it. And don't get me wrong - it's a great computer. Perfect for it.

But I'm not geared toward schooling like this. I can't stand it. As I said, I hate it. And yet, what the hell else am I supposed to do??

Get a fucking job?! Ya, like that's so fucking easy. I've gone this long without one, how do you think I've managed to? I hate it here. I miss Colorado. I hate everything here - it's horrible. I miss the life I had. I hate it here. I hate it here. I hate it here.

It's like a mantra for me these days. And my medicine isn't helping. I have more bad days than good. I'm going to quit this school. But then what?

Ya. Then what?

Song -

Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran
Little bird by Ed Sheeran