Depression is . . .

So if you've been reading my blog for a while you probably know that I have been dealing with depression for quite a few years now.

The medicine I've been on has worked and also hasn't. I've only just started taking a new medicine to see if it can help - it works pretty well, but the doctor is still adjusting it because I'm still not feeling tip-top.

And I'd like to clear up a misconception about depression I suppose.

For me, it's not completely "I'm sad I can't do anything blah blah." Goodness knows it can be that way a lot. It's not necessarily a "I wanna kill myself" type of depression.

For me, depression involves being tired all the time, wanting to sleep no matter what needs doing. For me, depression involves me being irritable. Anything and everything can set me off to being, as Brock calls it, 'cranky.'

I usually just say that I'm "Frustrated at everything right now" which usually causes me to snap at someone. Typically these days it's either Zulu or Brock, since they're the only ones I see on a regular basis. Or people on the road while I'm driving lol.

So yeah, when you think of depression don't automatically think of being sad. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain, not a gene that makes you sad no matter what. For some it is that way, but for me at least it's not.

The way I recognize it is if I don't feel like myself. I feel like I'm being forced to act a certain way by my brain, a way contrary to what I feel like doing or how I feel like acting. I know I'm irritable for absolutely no reason, I know I cry spontaneously for no particular reason (and believe me, anything sets me off) and I cry for maybe a few seconds and a minute later I'm perfectly fine.

I've always thought maybe I'm bipolar, but that's manic depression anyway, so what difference does it make? Doctors call it depression, I'm not manic, but I'm not normal.

I'm not me.

And not being me has caused a lot of problems in my life. So if you feel the way I've described, then you have to do something about it now before it causes the kind of problems that I have had. Depression is not fun, and the side effects are especially not fun. Side effects which affect your life and those around you. If the people who know you don't know or realize what your depression means, you can end up driving them away.

I'm lucky to have a husband who understands completely the way my depression affects me, and doesn't take a lot of it to heart. Any other man would have run long before this. But not him.

Life is a riddle, love is a puzzle, and only your brain can make any sense of it. So long as it's functioning in tip-top shape. Which mine hasn't been for a while now. Don't wait, do.

Action speaks louder than words, but action can save what words might destroy.

Well, that's all for my philosophy. If you can call it that. I'm done, ta for now. Have a good day!