Speak first.

So I was listening to music as I took a shower and a song came up that got me to thinking.

"The Story of Us" by Taylor Swift (I know right?)

But I think it addresses something that happens to everyone all the time.

"This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like they care less
. . .
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon."
Sound familiar?

Always stuck with a million things you want to say to someone, but you're afraid to tell them. Someone has to start the conversation. It can't always be the other person. The secret to communication in relationships: never wait for the other person to say something first. If you have something to say, say it.

It's a philosophy that I am trying to adopt in my life. It works very well in my marriage - my husband and I are very close because of it. But the other side of it, friendship, tends to be more difficult. Mostly because this new philosophy came to me years too late.

I feel a long way from the teenager I was. It took marriage to make me grow up, marriage and deployment and all of the other crazy shit that happens in between. Independence, true and actual independence, is what helped me grow up.

But this 'maturity' comes with so much regret that I wonder if it's worth it.

I suppose, one day, I'll know.