I am a broken record. I feel like I'm set on repeat, and the things which I said I would stop doing I can't seem to. I'm still thinking about my past. I'm still grasping for air, knocking on a door that's been closed for quite a while.
I am a bullheaded ox and (just like the single-mindedness of my wonderful fur-child Zulu) I refuse to give up on something.
Can someone reach through the computer and smack some sense into this thick skull of mine?
No means no. To quote a favorite Disney movie of mine, Hercules:
"They think 'no' means 'yes' and 'get lost' means 'take me I'm yours'" - Meg.
Perhaps C. will transfer all of my emails to the spam folder so she doesn't have to read the same drivel over and over again. I wouldn't blame her.
But, as stupid as I know it is for me to continue trying, I can't help it. I have to.
To quote a song by Coldplay (Fix you):
". . . if you never try you'll never know."
I guess I'm trying to live without regret. Though maybe it's coming across more annoying. It can't be helped. I have to try.
Anyway, this post was originally meant to be one sentence "I am a broken record," but I couldn't stop my mind from thinking.
Good night all.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Scrap it all . . . or not. Maybe just re-mold.
So, I have done what I didn't want to do, and left a large gap in time between posts.
If you were waiting for a new post from me, I apologize for the delay.
With six classes I sometimes feel like I'm trying to juggle and swim at the same time, both of which I do not excel at.
I've been writing (big surprise there, I keep telling you in every post) and now I think I've come to the point where that writing can transition back into my book. I've realized something.
My HPFF story has been a small road to discovery. In it, I have tried to keep the action up, to give it humor and life. It's made me see that my book has none of that.
And so, I have determined that I will be rewriting the entire thing. Yup. All 50k words of it. I suppose it's a little better than completely scrapping the whole thing. But I'm just going to keep the bare facts and essentials, and I'm going to change it so that it doesn't bore me anymore (like it would bore anyone else who read it).
Other than that, I have three or four weeks of solitude (except for classes and animals, since my husband is in the field for the month) to do all of this revamping. Let's hope it is successful. I would dearly love to have a book that I am proud of and not one that I feel still reflects my juvenile mind.
So, with that in mind, I'm going to head off to class.
Song of the moment:
"Don't you worry child" by Swedish House Mafia.
Goodbye dear reader, until the next time.
If you were waiting for a new post from me, I apologize for the delay.
With six classes I sometimes feel like I'm trying to juggle and swim at the same time, both of which I do not excel at.
I've been writing (big surprise there, I keep telling you in every post) and now I think I've come to the point where that writing can transition back into my book. I've realized something.
My HPFF story has been a small road to discovery. In it, I have tried to keep the action up, to give it humor and life. It's made me see that my book has none of that.
And so, I have determined that I will be rewriting the entire thing. Yup. All 50k words of it. I suppose it's a little better than completely scrapping the whole thing. But I'm just going to keep the bare facts and essentials, and I'm going to change it so that it doesn't bore me anymore (like it would bore anyone else who read it).
Other than that, I have three or four weeks of solitude (except for classes and animals, since my husband is in the field for the month) to do all of this revamping. Let's hope it is successful. I would dearly love to have a book that I am proud of and not one that I feel still reflects my juvenile mind.
So, with that in mind, I'm going to head off to class.
Song of the moment:
"Don't you worry child" by Swedish House Mafia.
Goodbye dear reader, until the next time.
Monday, February 11, 2013
SNOW!!!
I am thankfully not suffering from three feet of snow like most of the north-east portion of the United States. I am, however, suffering from (pardon the language and hostility) retards who act like two inches of snow IS three feet of snow, and drive insanely slowly.
My husband ordinarily has a ten minute drive to work in the morning. This morning, it took him over an hour to get there, and not because the roads were really bad. Since he was heading toward a military post, most of the drivers were likely from states that don't get snow. But I've still seen cars with Colorado license plates drive like they're going to fall through ice and drown to death if they aren't slow enough. Oy.
On a side note, I should probably invest in a snow shovel (yep, we don't have one. still don't know how that works) and rock ice. The mail man is probably not too happy having to walk over so much snow lol.
True to my native Montana, I dressed inappropriately for the weather. I decided to wear heels today. Well, correction, they're boots with wedge-type heels. Who needs snow boots? :)
Saw the new episode of 'Once upon a time' last night, and it was awesome, to say the least. I love that show - it's the only one I watch, and I'm very glad I discovered it last year (especially since I'm not much of a tv watcher).
Anyway, to all of you out buried under three feet of snow, if you're doing laundry - uncover the vent outside or you could die. If you're unburying your car and you want to sit in the car and take a break, make sure the exhaust pipe is uncovered first, or you will die.
And now, I'm off to study for my Governmental and Not-for-Profit Accounting exam. Wish me luck!
Oh, and since it's rather seasonally appropriate, song of the day is . . . *drumroll*
Valley Winter Song - Fountains of Wayne.
My husband ordinarily has a ten minute drive to work in the morning. This morning, it took him over an hour to get there, and not because the roads were really bad. Since he was heading toward a military post, most of the drivers were likely from states that don't get snow. But I've still seen cars with Colorado license plates drive like they're going to fall through ice and drown to death if they aren't slow enough. Oy.
On a side note, I should probably invest in a snow shovel (yep, we don't have one. still don't know how that works) and rock ice. The mail man is probably not too happy having to walk over so much snow lol.
True to my native Montana, I dressed inappropriately for the weather. I decided to wear heels today. Well, correction, they're boots with wedge-type heels. Who needs snow boots? :)
Saw the new episode of 'Once upon a time' last night, and it was awesome, to say the least. I love that show - it's the only one I watch, and I'm very glad I discovered it last year (especially since I'm not much of a tv watcher).
Anyway, to all of you out buried under three feet of snow, if you're doing laundry - uncover the vent outside or you could die. If you're unburying your car and you want to sit in the car and take a break, make sure the exhaust pipe is uncovered first, or you will die.
And now, I'm off to study for my Governmental and Not-for-Profit Accounting exam. Wish me luck!
Oh, and since it's rather seasonally appropriate, song of the day is . . . *drumroll*
Valley Winter Song - Fountains of Wayne.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Stay away from the Silence (it's a dangerous thing).
I don't really have anything to say. But I don't want to lapse into a long silence on my blog again, because writing on here encourages me to think through everything more.
Mostly, I've been writing a lot on my HPFF, and the simple act of writing makes me happy. Maybe one day that will translate over to my book, but right now I'm starting to wonder if I just want to scrap the whole thing. I feel like it's so dull, like there's no life in it. Sure, there's action, but that's completely different from energy.
Today I finally "get" to do actual tax preparation. None of the intake or review. Preparing taxes. Hopefully I'm not so nervous that I can't type. I don't want to look like an idiot, especially since I know that I can type between 64 and 75 words per minute.
On Thursday I got a 'stress buster massage' courtesy of my amazing husband. It was absolutely fantastic. I have a lot of knots and tension in my neck, shoulders, and back - the lady had to dig her elbow in just to try to loosen them up. Plus, Brock got me three of them. So, when I'm no longer sore from this one, I shall be scheduling another one to further de-knot my shoulders.
Well, my house is a mess, my organization is shot to hell, and I'm tired. But, my story (in my opinion at least) is doing fantastically, and my depression medicine is working (along with the vitamins I'm taking, you'd be surprised how much those help with your mood). So, overall, I would say things are great - besides not getting to spend as much time with my husband as I would like.
So, I'm going to skedaddle. Oh, and something my Zumba teacher told us that is a good breakfast to eat (she's also a nutritionist), is 2 pieces of whole wheat toast, with peanut butter, cinnamon, and banana on top. Now I've tried that whole Elvis peanut butter and banana sandwich thing, and I wasn't a big fan, but this is actually pretty good. And it makes me full. So, I've been won over. :)
Anyway, this early in the morning, the only thing I'm listening to is a bunch of (in my opinion) goodies. So, no new songs to write.
Ta for now!
Mostly, I've been writing a lot on my HPFF, and the simple act of writing makes me happy. Maybe one day that will translate over to my book, but right now I'm starting to wonder if I just want to scrap the whole thing. I feel like it's so dull, like there's no life in it. Sure, there's action, but that's completely different from energy.
Today I finally "get" to do actual tax preparation. None of the intake or review. Preparing taxes. Hopefully I'm not so nervous that I can't type. I don't want to look like an idiot, especially since I know that I can type between 64 and 75 words per minute.
On Thursday I got a 'stress buster massage' courtesy of my amazing husband. It was absolutely fantastic. I have a lot of knots and tension in my neck, shoulders, and back - the lady had to dig her elbow in just to try to loosen them up. Plus, Brock got me three of them. So, when I'm no longer sore from this one, I shall be scheduling another one to further de-knot my shoulders.
Well, my house is a mess, my organization is shot to hell, and I'm tired. But, my story (in my opinion at least) is doing fantastically, and my depression medicine is working (along with the vitamins I'm taking, you'd be surprised how much those help with your mood). So, overall, I would say things are great - besides not getting to spend as much time with my husband as I would like.
So, I'm going to skedaddle. Oh, and something my Zumba teacher told us that is a good breakfast to eat (she's also a nutritionist), is 2 pieces of whole wheat toast, with peanut butter, cinnamon, and banana on top. Now I've tried that whole Elvis peanut butter and banana sandwich thing, and I wasn't a big fan, but this is actually pretty good. And it makes me full. So, I've been won over. :)
Anyway, this early in the morning, the only thing I'm listening to is a bunch of (in my opinion) goodies. So, no new songs to write.
Ta for now!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Level Zero.
Holy moly I am TIRED. Not for lack of sleep. I don't know if I have a bug, or if it's just because the nurses at the ER took so much blood, but everything is wearing me out like none other.
Anyway, don't have much to say. Just wrote a chapter for my HPFF that I found hilarious, it won't be posted for a bit because there are chapters ahead of it that haven't gone up yet, but yeah.
Perhaps my goal in trying to make the story more lively (to make up for all the slow sentimental parts) will make it a better story.
Who knows?
No songs that I haven't posted already.
Anyway, don't have much to say. Just wrote a chapter for my HPFF that I found hilarious, it won't be posted for a bit because there are chapters ahead of it that haven't gone up yet, but yeah.
Perhaps my goal in trying to make the story more lively (to make up for all the slow sentimental parts) will make it a better story.
Who knows?
No songs that I haven't posted already.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Avoiding Anger.
Just learned an obvious but apparently necessary lesson in reading for my Business Communication and Report Writing class.
I will quote directly from the book:
"Expressing anger in messages - letting off steam - may sometimes help you emotionally. But anger helps achieve the goal of a message only when that goal is to anger the reader. The effect of angry words is to make the reader angry. With both writer and reader angry, the two are not likely to get together on whatever the message is about."
Well, I think that explains itself. And I believe, this would also apply to a blog. Letting off steam - my goodness do I love to do that with this blog, not to mention indulging in self pity. I treat this blog as a narrative journal. I know I get views, I know that someone out there is reading it, but it doesn't seem to register in my mind. I write for myself. In business, you write for the reader.
I suppose I should take that more to heart. In retrospect (hey look, I follow the theme of the last few posts, repeating a subject I have already worn out), the posts on this blog when I was angry - letting off steam - caused a lot of trouble for me.
I also read an email today (a typical forwarded chain message) talking about "three incredible words." It listed several different phrases of sorts, but I guess one stuck out. "Please forgive me."
Why did I never think of that?
Hah. Reminds me of the song "Why didn't I think of that" by Doug Stone.
It helps to have someone rational to talk to, but when you're fighting with the one rational person in your life, or who used to be in your life, it gets a little...complicated. Understatement of the decade. Mine, anyway. I don't know about yours.
I'm finding that my little trip to the ER on Thursday night took more out of me than I thought. When you don't have any consecutive days off, and when the only days off you have are filled with homework, makes it hard to recover. At least, in my experience. Lol.
Tax Help Colorado on Saturday went really well - I'm becoming more comfortable with talking to the clients. It helped a lot that my designated post was the Intake/Interview Process. You're not talking to people who've been waiting for six or seven hours, so you're not as afraid of saying the wrong thing. Not to mention, you talk to more people.
Anyway, I have to go get ready for my next class. Ta for now.
Oh, and song at the moment:
Lego House by Ed Sheeran (I'm a little obsessed with his music this week, but hey - he's good.)
I will quote directly from the book:
"Expressing anger in messages - letting off steam - may sometimes help you emotionally. But anger helps achieve the goal of a message only when that goal is to anger the reader. The effect of angry words is to make the reader angry. With both writer and reader angry, the two are not likely to get together on whatever the message is about."
Well, I think that explains itself. And I believe, this would also apply to a blog. Letting off steam - my goodness do I love to do that with this blog, not to mention indulging in self pity. I treat this blog as a narrative journal. I know I get views, I know that someone out there is reading it, but it doesn't seem to register in my mind. I write for myself. In business, you write for the reader.
I suppose I should take that more to heart. In retrospect (hey look, I follow the theme of the last few posts, repeating a subject I have already worn out), the posts on this blog when I was angry - letting off steam - caused a lot of trouble for me.
I also read an email today (a typical forwarded chain message) talking about "three incredible words." It listed several different phrases of sorts, but I guess one stuck out. "Please forgive me."
Why did I never think of that?
Hah. Reminds me of the song "Why didn't I think of that" by Doug Stone.
It helps to have someone rational to talk to, but when you're fighting with the one rational person in your life, or who used to be in your life, it gets a little...complicated. Understatement of the decade. Mine, anyway. I don't know about yours.
I'm finding that my little trip to the ER on Thursday night took more out of me than I thought. When you don't have any consecutive days off, and when the only days off you have are filled with homework, makes it hard to recover. At least, in my experience. Lol.
Tax Help Colorado on Saturday went really well - I'm becoming more comfortable with talking to the clients. It helped a lot that my designated post was the Intake/Interview Process. You're not talking to people who've been waiting for six or seven hours, so you're not as afraid of saying the wrong thing. Not to mention, you talk to more people.
Anyway, I have to go get ready for my next class. Ta for now.
Oh, and song at the moment:
Lego House by Ed Sheeran (I'm a little obsessed with his music this week, but hey - he's good.)
What If?
So yesterday was fun. Got to hang out with my husband all day. :) I declared it an official day off for me - and all I did was write.
But writing also gets me thinking, and thinking gets me in trouble. So here is what I figured out this morning.
I can't spend my life with "what if." It gets me nowhere. And asking myself "what if" and going over situations in the past over and over again will get me nothing but wasted energy. What-ifs mean nothing when someone hates you. They become a moot point.
So, I have decided that I will make myself give up the past. I need to move on, and accept that what is done, will never be changed, no matter how I try.
And now, it is time for me to get on with my homework and try to forget my failures.
Song today is:
Wayfaring Stranger by Ed Sheeran
But writing also gets me thinking, and thinking gets me in trouble. So here is what I figured out this morning.
I can't spend my life with "what if." It gets me nowhere. And asking myself "what if" and going over situations in the past over and over again will get me nothing but wasted energy. What-ifs mean nothing when someone hates you. They become a moot point.
So, I have decided that I will make myself give up the past. I need to move on, and accept that what is done, will never be changed, no matter how I try.
And now, it is time for me to get on with my homework and try to forget my failures.
Song today is:
Wayfaring Stranger by Ed Sheeran
Saturday, February 2, 2013
ER and Taxes. What a mix.
I am tired.
From 4pm on Thursday, to 11pm, I was in the ER. I'll spare you the gory details. Mostly I was just there so long because the nurses couldn't get a good vein (something about valves), and so they had to take my blood about ten times because the blood kept clotting before they could get it tested. The nurse said they were just too slow in the lab, but either way, my blood was flowing lol. They had to use a syringe to get my blood out, fifteen minutes per syringe. And when one of the nurses was filling up the tube from the syringe, she spilled my blood all over the blanket. *face:palm*
So, end of story, I'm okay, but I feel absolutely exhausted, and dehydrated. And yet, I still have class today from 830 to 6. Yay....
Oh, and while I was there, the doctor told me that apparently there's a very nasty, new strain of the Noro virus going around. He said something about cruise ships, and people needing lots of IVs. Thankfully, I don't have it.
Did my taxes yesterday. Brock and I decided to still get them done at H&R Block, and I'm glad we did. The woman who prepared our taxes told us that the IRS isn't even going to touch any returns with education credits on them until the last week of February or the first week of March. Pleasant huh? Apparently, with all the fraud happening they want to make sure they're not being duped. She said that we should expect to hear from the IRS in two years about our return, to prove that we did indeed have those education expenses.
Joy. I'm both surprised, and really really not, that my teacher has not told us this. She's a professional accountant (but she does so much stuff that she can barely keep up), so I don't know if she simply has been too busy to mention it to us, or if she doesn't know. Nevertheless, I will be sharing my new found knowledge today at class/work.
Anyway, it's nice to have Brock at home. He's supposed to get pinned for sergeant on Tuesday. He was going to on Friday, but then I got sick and he sort of missed it. Ah, c'est la vie.
Well, hopefully today is not busy, like last Saturday, so that I will have a lot of down time. But who knows.
On another note, my dog is most definitely a snow child. I think she's sad that it's all melted in the back yard. :)
Well, I'm off to (possibly) take a nap until I have to go to school. Have a fabulous weekend. o.O
From 4pm on Thursday, to 11pm, I was in the ER. I'll spare you the gory details. Mostly I was just there so long because the nurses couldn't get a good vein (something about valves), and so they had to take my blood about ten times because the blood kept clotting before they could get it tested. The nurse said they were just too slow in the lab, but either way, my blood was flowing lol. They had to use a syringe to get my blood out, fifteen minutes per syringe. And when one of the nurses was filling up the tube from the syringe, she spilled my blood all over the blanket. *face:palm*
So, end of story, I'm okay, but I feel absolutely exhausted, and dehydrated. And yet, I still have class today from 830 to 6. Yay....
Oh, and while I was there, the doctor told me that apparently there's a very nasty, new strain of the Noro virus going around. He said something about cruise ships, and people needing lots of IVs. Thankfully, I don't have it.
Did my taxes yesterday. Brock and I decided to still get them done at H&R Block, and I'm glad we did. The woman who prepared our taxes told us that the IRS isn't even going to touch any returns with education credits on them until the last week of February or the first week of March. Pleasant huh? Apparently, with all the fraud happening they want to make sure they're not being duped. She said that we should expect to hear from the IRS in two years about our return, to prove that we did indeed have those education expenses.
Joy. I'm both surprised, and really really not, that my teacher has not told us this. She's a professional accountant (but she does so much stuff that she can barely keep up), so I don't know if she simply has been too busy to mention it to us, or if she doesn't know. Nevertheless, I will be sharing my new found knowledge today at class/work.
Anyway, it's nice to have Brock at home. He's supposed to get pinned for sergeant on Tuesday. He was going to on Friday, but then I got sick and he sort of missed it. Ah, c'est la vie.
Well, hopefully today is not busy, like last Saturday, so that I will have a lot of down time. But who knows.
On another note, my dog is most definitely a snow child. I think she's sad that it's all melted in the back yard. :)
Well, I'm off to (possibly) take a nap until I have to go to school. Have a fabulous weekend. o.O
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)