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What is it about euthanasia?

The idea makes me feel like a cold-blooded killer.

Because when I look at him, I know what I'm planning. And he doesn't know.

Why does life make it impossible for us to protect the ones we love?

Why must we feel powerless to change fate?

Why do I wish I could die with him?

----

I'll never know - and neither will he.

So....

Wow, it's been a million years.

If not in actuality, at least in my mind.

Ohio, said boyfriend of the beginning of the year . . . deuce bag. Lol. Yes, I know, must be polite, but still.

On another note, I'm engaged. :) To the best man I could have possibly wished for. He's in the army, and . . . well, do you remember U.? Lol. Yeah.

Ugh (but still happy).

I really don't want to update right now. I don't feel like typing up for ages trying to remember all that has happened in the last however many weeks.

Sorry.

Suffice it to say, I have a boyfriend now. :D He's from Ohio, but we first met over Facebook a few weeks before our first day (which sounds absolutely ridiculous, and stupid, lol), and coincidentally we were both going to the same college, so we became friends, etc etc etc. Lol. Buuut . . . he's sweet, funny, a little bit crazy, and a lot guy. But he makes me laugh, and he seems to think I'm tiny, so it all works out. ;)

Classes are going great. A TON of reading in my english and italian history classes (like, reading the Aeneid, The Twelve Caesars, Dante's Inferno, etc). Easy to fall behind in those. Psychology is okay, there's a guy who sits behind me who's from virginia, and I just can't help but grin every time I hear him speak. He looks like a guy I can picture wearing one of those confederate uniforms from the Civil War way back when, and it just makes me all goofy inside, lol.

A lot of guys here are from Sweden, some from England, one guy I know is from Kenya, which is awesome. But irregardless, there are a lot of cute guys here. Which I love. And I like to think I can usually tell just by looking at a guy if he's from Europe or somewhere not in the US. The guys from Sweden and England just have a totally different body frame structurally, it's crazy. They don't look like aliens or anything, but they do look . . . well, different. It's pretty cool to hear them speak too. :D

College is a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I didn't think I'd fit in so well with this new routine. My roommate are now quite excellent friends, which I love. And she has a car, and is willing to ride a bike whenever I get the urge to go out and ride (even if it's late lol).

I tried out for the play here, which is "Almost, Maine" and I got a little minor part. BUT - I don't mind, sort of. Mostly because I've never done any sort of acting before, and I think it will be fun. I also know rehearsal will leave me less and less time for homework and . . . well, boyfriend, lol. But if falling asleep on his bed (while I pretend to study) is the only time we can spend together during the week, then I can deal with that lol. Although, he is becoming rather fond of tickling me (now that he's found my only ticklish spot, which took him a while to find, little persistent devil, lol), so maybe I won't be sleeping, lol.

Speaking of which, I'm extremely tired right now. I nearly fell asleep in Calculus earlier, which is probably not a good idea lol. I had yoga earlier, which seemed to wake me up for a while, but then I had math, and that totally reversed it lol. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I didn't get to bed until midnight, and got up at six. Only because I was hanging out in my boyfriend's room (I love saying that, but how about we call him H.?) until his roommate came home, and then he walked me back to my dorm. :) That just makes me happy thinking about it.

Anyway, I was going to take a nap right now, but I decided to write this post instead. I hope you're satisfied enough with this update, because I'm not sure how well I could go over it again. Lol.

Anyway, I gotta go now, so I'll update in another few weeks (if I know me, lol).

Have fun! Laugh often.

:)

FRESHMAN . . . .

So, long time in updating, I see this.

Umm. Yeah, so my old roommate found out she couldn't attend first semester, so I have a new roommate now. She's best friends with my old roommate and she's pretty cool as well.

For freshman orientation they're having us go camping for the next three days. And then classes start on Monday. Woohoo.

My dorm room is a lot roomier than I thought it would be, and I have my own bathroom.

Umm, just got food, because we don't have our IDs for another four days, and we were kinda starving ourselves. Lol.

So yeah, tired, gotta get ready for bed.

There's my update.

So many new people, so awkward to meet them. Here's college for ya. :)

YaY!

I just met my new roommate! I'm excited, like, REALLY excited. :D

She sounds pretty cool, and reminds me a lot of one of my best friends. Which is absolutely awesome. Turns out, the reason she never replied to my emails were because she never checks her email.

*jumps up and down with glee*

This has truly made my day. I can't stop grinning.

I was so petrified that I was going to get a surly roommate for next year. Turns out I'm not.

Yay! ;)

Ta for now!

Wow.

It really hit me last night. Hard.

I haven't cried like that in a while.

I'm sure the book I was reading didn't help, because it gave me a whole other perspective to view this from, and a whole other kind of future to envision. (Dear John by Nicholas Sparks, by the way.)

I can't wait for his first letter. I can't wait to see him in five months.

I really hope . . . I don't know. I hope time flies, I hope he doesn't forget me, I hope he doesn't change too much.

He knows me better than anyone else. He knows more about me than anyone, he knows things I haven't told another soul.

It hurts to know he's somewhere else, and I can't make sure he's okay.

Right now, all I can do is write. Write until I see him again.

Write - until it all goes away.

Because, maybe I love him. Or maybe, maybe I'm fooling myself. Maybe I just need something to cling to, or a reason to push other guys away.

But, when he was on his way to the airport, he texted me "I really was contemplating on whether or not to kiss you on monday" among many other things I don't feel like divulging.

Who can I talk to about this, though? Who would understand what I'm not even sure I do?

I know he's one of my best friends. But . . . is he more?

I can picture being at the airport when he gets back. I can picture what we might do when he gets here in December. I can picture all the letters. And yet, I'm absolutely ready to be disappointed. It always happens that way.

Anyway. I need to stop wallowing. My life is not over, and I will survive.

Ta for now.

***On a side note, updating you here in 2013 long after this post was originally written: The guy I am talking about in this post, we did start dating, and now, he is my husband. We'll be celebrating our third year anniversary in October. Thought you'd like to know. :) ***

Short Update

My mom has decided to stop talking to me, all because I don't want my brother to move into our house (after she bailed him out of jail). She's avoiding me as well. She hasn't spoken to me for about six days now. What a child, huh?

One of my best friends just left for boot camp. I won't see him for another five months.

I've just learned who my new roommate for college will be. She honestly doesn't seem like she's either nice, like we have anything in common, or like we'll get along all that well. Oh well. I suppose I'll see, if she ever decides to email me back.

I'm bored out of my mind, and a little sad. The house is quiet. And I'm currently reading far too many books at the same time.

What a life.

Oh well.