I don't really have anything to say. But I don't want to lapse into a long silence on my blog again, because writing on here encourages me to think through everything more.
Mostly, I've been writing a lot on my HPFF, and the simple act of writing makes me happy. Maybe one day that will translate over to my book, but right now I'm starting to wonder if I just want to scrap the whole thing. I feel like it's so dull, like there's no life in it. Sure, there's action, but that's completely different from energy.
Today I finally "get" to do actual tax preparation. None of the intake or review. Preparing taxes. Hopefully I'm not so nervous that I can't type. I don't want to look like an idiot, especially since I know that I can type between 64 and 75 words per minute.
On Thursday I got a 'stress buster massage' courtesy of my amazing husband. It was absolutely fantastic. I have a lot of knots and tension in my neck, shoulders, and back - the lady had to dig her elbow in just to try to loosen them up. Plus, Brock got me three of them. So, when I'm no longer sore from this one, I shall be scheduling another one to further de-knot my shoulders.
Well, my house is a mess, my organization is shot to hell, and I'm tired. But, my story (in my opinion at least) is doing fantastically, and my depression medicine is working (along with the vitamins I'm taking, you'd be surprised how much those help with your mood). So, overall, I would say things are great - besides not getting to spend as much time with my husband as I would like.
So, I'm going to skedaddle. Oh, and something my Zumba teacher told us that is a good breakfast to eat (she's also a nutritionist), is 2 pieces of whole wheat toast, with peanut butter, cinnamon, and banana on top. Now I've tried that whole Elvis peanut butter and banana sandwich thing, and I wasn't a big fan, but this is actually pretty good. And it makes me full. So, I've been won over. :)
Anyway, this early in the morning, the only thing I'm listening to is a bunch of (in my opinion) goodies. So, no new songs to write.
Ta for now!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Level Zero.
Holy moly I am TIRED. Not for lack of sleep. I don't know if I have a bug, or if it's just because the nurses at the ER took so much blood, but everything is wearing me out like none other.
Anyway, don't have much to say. Just wrote a chapter for my HPFF that I found hilarious, it won't be posted for a bit because there are chapters ahead of it that haven't gone up yet, but yeah.
Perhaps my goal in trying to make the story more lively (to make up for all the slow sentimental parts) will make it a better story.
Who knows?
No songs that I haven't posted already.
Anyway, don't have much to say. Just wrote a chapter for my HPFF that I found hilarious, it won't be posted for a bit because there are chapters ahead of it that haven't gone up yet, but yeah.
Perhaps my goal in trying to make the story more lively (to make up for all the slow sentimental parts) will make it a better story.
Who knows?
No songs that I haven't posted already.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Avoiding Anger.
Just learned an obvious but apparently necessary lesson in reading for my Business Communication and Report Writing class.
I will quote directly from the book:
"Expressing anger in messages - letting off steam - may sometimes help you emotionally. But anger helps achieve the goal of a message only when that goal is to anger the reader. The effect of angry words is to make the reader angry. With both writer and reader angry, the two are not likely to get together on whatever the message is about."
Well, I think that explains itself. And I believe, this would also apply to a blog. Letting off steam - my goodness do I love to do that with this blog, not to mention indulging in self pity. I treat this blog as a narrative journal. I know I get views, I know that someone out there is reading it, but it doesn't seem to register in my mind. I write for myself. In business, you write for the reader.
I suppose I should take that more to heart. In retrospect (hey look, I follow the theme of the last few posts, repeating a subject I have already worn out), the posts on this blog when I was angry - letting off steam - caused a lot of trouble for me.
I also read an email today (a typical forwarded chain message) talking about "three incredible words." It listed several different phrases of sorts, but I guess one stuck out. "Please forgive me."
Why did I never think of that?
Hah. Reminds me of the song "Why didn't I think of that" by Doug Stone.
It helps to have someone rational to talk to, but when you're fighting with the one rational person in your life, or who used to be in your life, it gets a little...complicated. Understatement of the decade. Mine, anyway. I don't know about yours.
I'm finding that my little trip to the ER on Thursday night took more out of me than I thought. When you don't have any consecutive days off, and when the only days off you have are filled with homework, makes it hard to recover. At least, in my experience. Lol.
Tax Help Colorado on Saturday went really well - I'm becoming more comfortable with talking to the clients. It helped a lot that my designated post was the Intake/Interview Process. You're not talking to people who've been waiting for six or seven hours, so you're not as afraid of saying the wrong thing. Not to mention, you talk to more people.
Anyway, I have to go get ready for my next class. Ta for now.
Oh, and song at the moment:
Lego House by Ed Sheeran (I'm a little obsessed with his music this week, but hey - he's good.)
I will quote directly from the book:
"Expressing anger in messages - letting off steam - may sometimes help you emotionally. But anger helps achieve the goal of a message only when that goal is to anger the reader. The effect of angry words is to make the reader angry. With both writer and reader angry, the two are not likely to get together on whatever the message is about."
Well, I think that explains itself. And I believe, this would also apply to a blog. Letting off steam - my goodness do I love to do that with this blog, not to mention indulging in self pity. I treat this blog as a narrative journal. I know I get views, I know that someone out there is reading it, but it doesn't seem to register in my mind. I write for myself. In business, you write for the reader.
I suppose I should take that more to heart. In retrospect (hey look, I follow the theme of the last few posts, repeating a subject I have already worn out), the posts on this blog when I was angry - letting off steam - caused a lot of trouble for me.
I also read an email today (a typical forwarded chain message) talking about "three incredible words." It listed several different phrases of sorts, but I guess one stuck out. "Please forgive me."
Why did I never think of that?
Hah. Reminds me of the song "Why didn't I think of that" by Doug Stone.
It helps to have someone rational to talk to, but when you're fighting with the one rational person in your life, or who used to be in your life, it gets a little...complicated. Understatement of the decade. Mine, anyway. I don't know about yours.
I'm finding that my little trip to the ER on Thursday night took more out of me than I thought. When you don't have any consecutive days off, and when the only days off you have are filled with homework, makes it hard to recover. At least, in my experience. Lol.
Tax Help Colorado on Saturday went really well - I'm becoming more comfortable with talking to the clients. It helped a lot that my designated post was the Intake/Interview Process. You're not talking to people who've been waiting for six or seven hours, so you're not as afraid of saying the wrong thing. Not to mention, you talk to more people.
Anyway, I have to go get ready for my next class. Ta for now.
Oh, and song at the moment:
Lego House by Ed Sheeran (I'm a little obsessed with his music this week, but hey - he's good.)
What If?
So yesterday was fun. Got to hang out with my husband all day. :) I declared it an official day off for me - and all I did was write.
But writing also gets me thinking, and thinking gets me in trouble. So here is what I figured out this morning.
I can't spend my life with "what if." It gets me nowhere. And asking myself "what if" and going over situations in the past over and over again will get me nothing but wasted energy. What-ifs mean nothing when someone hates you. They become a moot point.
So, I have decided that I will make myself give up the past. I need to move on, and accept that what is done, will never be changed, no matter how I try.
And now, it is time for me to get on with my homework and try to forget my failures.
Song today is:
Wayfaring Stranger by Ed Sheeran
But writing also gets me thinking, and thinking gets me in trouble. So here is what I figured out this morning.
I can't spend my life with "what if." It gets me nowhere. And asking myself "what if" and going over situations in the past over and over again will get me nothing but wasted energy. What-ifs mean nothing when someone hates you. They become a moot point.
So, I have decided that I will make myself give up the past. I need to move on, and accept that what is done, will never be changed, no matter how I try.
And now, it is time for me to get on with my homework and try to forget my failures.
Song today is:
Wayfaring Stranger by Ed Sheeran
Saturday, February 2, 2013
ER and Taxes. What a mix.
I am tired.
From 4pm on Thursday, to 11pm, I was in the ER. I'll spare you the gory details. Mostly I was just there so long because the nurses couldn't get a good vein (something about valves), and so they had to take my blood about ten times because the blood kept clotting before they could get it tested. The nurse said they were just too slow in the lab, but either way, my blood was flowing lol. They had to use a syringe to get my blood out, fifteen minutes per syringe. And when one of the nurses was filling up the tube from the syringe, she spilled my blood all over the blanket. *face:palm*
So, end of story, I'm okay, but I feel absolutely exhausted, and dehydrated. And yet, I still have class today from 830 to 6. Yay....
Oh, and while I was there, the doctor told me that apparently there's a very nasty, new strain of the Noro virus going around. He said something about cruise ships, and people needing lots of IVs. Thankfully, I don't have it.
Did my taxes yesterday. Brock and I decided to still get them done at H&R Block, and I'm glad we did. The woman who prepared our taxes told us that the IRS isn't even going to touch any returns with education credits on them until the last week of February or the first week of March. Pleasant huh? Apparently, with all the fraud happening they want to make sure they're not being duped. She said that we should expect to hear from the IRS in two years about our return, to prove that we did indeed have those education expenses.
Joy. I'm both surprised, and really really not, that my teacher has not told us this. She's a professional accountant (but she does so much stuff that she can barely keep up), so I don't know if she simply has been too busy to mention it to us, or if she doesn't know. Nevertheless, I will be sharing my new found knowledge today at class/work.
Anyway, it's nice to have Brock at home. He's supposed to get pinned for sergeant on Tuesday. He was going to on Friday, but then I got sick and he sort of missed it. Ah, c'est la vie.
Well, hopefully today is not busy, like last Saturday, so that I will have a lot of down time. But who knows.
On another note, my dog is most definitely a snow child. I think she's sad that it's all melted in the back yard. :)
Well, I'm off to (possibly) take a nap until I have to go to school. Have a fabulous weekend. o.O
From 4pm on Thursday, to 11pm, I was in the ER. I'll spare you the gory details. Mostly I was just there so long because the nurses couldn't get a good vein (something about valves), and so they had to take my blood about ten times because the blood kept clotting before they could get it tested. The nurse said they were just too slow in the lab, but either way, my blood was flowing lol. They had to use a syringe to get my blood out, fifteen minutes per syringe. And when one of the nurses was filling up the tube from the syringe, she spilled my blood all over the blanket. *face:palm*
So, end of story, I'm okay, but I feel absolutely exhausted, and dehydrated. And yet, I still have class today from 830 to 6. Yay....
Oh, and while I was there, the doctor told me that apparently there's a very nasty, new strain of the Noro virus going around. He said something about cruise ships, and people needing lots of IVs. Thankfully, I don't have it.
Did my taxes yesterday. Brock and I decided to still get them done at H&R Block, and I'm glad we did. The woman who prepared our taxes told us that the IRS isn't even going to touch any returns with education credits on them until the last week of February or the first week of March. Pleasant huh? Apparently, with all the fraud happening they want to make sure they're not being duped. She said that we should expect to hear from the IRS in two years about our return, to prove that we did indeed have those education expenses.
Joy. I'm both surprised, and really really not, that my teacher has not told us this. She's a professional accountant (but she does so much stuff that she can barely keep up), so I don't know if she simply has been too busy to mention it to us, or if she doesn't know. Nevertheless, I will be sharing my new found knowledge today at class/work.
Anyway, it's nice to have Brock at home. He's supposed to get pinned for sergeant on Tuesday. He was going to on Friday, but then I got sick and he sort of missed it. Ah, c'est la vie.
Well, hopefully today is not busy, like last Saturday, so that I will have a lot of down time. But who knows.
On another note, my dog is most definitely a snow child. I think she's sad that it's all melted in the back yard. :)
Well, I'm off to (possibly) take a nap until I have to go to school. Have a fabulous weekend. o.O
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I will teach my future children better than this.
The past is a nasty thing. I would say funny, but it's not.
We all remember things differently. All memories and experiences are clouded by our own emotional turmoil. I'm beginning to understand just how much my past is clouded by my own fucked-up mind. I hate my genetics. I wish I had started taking medicine sooner. Maybe if my mother had taken me seriously, or maybe if I had tried harder to convince her, then I wouldn't be in the state I am right now.
Maybe maybe maybe. I disgust myself. People are right about me. I am a bitch. Selfish, self-absorbed, and so forth. I'm surprised Brock married me - he knows the full extent of my personality.
I hate the things I have done in the past. The way I have acted. Because of me, I lost the best friend I had. I'd love to go back and bash myself in the head. Everything I did was guided by the fucked up emotions in my chemically unbalanced mind. I guess it's only fitting that I suffer the punishment of regret and disgust, after all I've done.
I am, to say the least, disappointed in myself. And I will spend the rest of my life wondering how I could believe that I was better than that.
To all of those I have hurt, I am sorry. And to you C, the one I hurt the most, sorry can't begin to describe it. If I'd only had a mirror, back then, to see myself for what I truly was, maybe I wouldn't have acted and done the things I did.
The only good thing that came out of that year and a half was Brock. He changed my life around. If only it had been sooner.
We all remember things differently. All memories and experiences are clouded by our own emotional turmoil. I'm beginning to understand just how much my past is clouded by my own fucked-up mind. I hate my genetics. I wish I had started taking medicine sooner. Maybe if my mother had taken me seriously, or maybe if I had tried harder to convince her, then I wouldn't be in the state I am right now.
Maybe maybe maybe. I disgust myself. People are right about me. I am a bitch. Selfish, self-absorbed, and so forth. I'm surprised Brock married me - he knows the full extent of my personality.
I hate the things I have done in the past. The way I have acted. Because of me, I lost the best friend I had. I'd love to go back and bash myself in the head. Everything I did was guided by the fucked up emotions in my chemically unbalanced mind. I guess it's only fitting that I suffer the punishment of regret and disgust, after all I've done.
I am, to say the least, disappointed in myself. And I will spend the rest of my life wondering how I could believe that I was better than that.
To all of those I have hurt, I am sorry. And to you C, the one I hurt the most, sorry can't begin to describe it. If I'd only had a mirror, back then, to see myself for what I truly was, maybe I wouldn't have acted and done the things I did.
The only good thing that came out of that year and a half was Brock. He changed my life around. If only it had been sooner.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Snow Day.
I don't really have much to say. My mind has been wholly preoccupied with fictional characters these past few days.
I haven't been able to bring myself to do my homework, so all I have been doing is writing my harry potter fan fiction (Brighter Than Neon), or browsing through Deviant Art drawings of the marauders and others of that era. I am absolutely (and I use quotes for a reason lol) "in love" with James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. The way they were meant to be, not how the movies made them *gag*. My story brings to life the way I imagine them. It makes me want to sink right into that world and never leave. But alas, 'tis not real. :(
I've also been listening to a lot of music today. We got a lot of snow last night. About 3-4 inches. It's about the most I've seen here, anyway. Which means that my class was cancelled, and that I've been on my recliner all day, with my beloved computer. Wasting my time, as some might say.
I wish I could give you a more stimulating post, but I want to get back to my music and story. :)
Songs?
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran
Written in the Stars - Westlife
You Don't Have to Go - Rachel Platten
Fix You - Coldplay
When I Need You - Leo Sayer
(sense a pattern?)
Anyway, gotta go. Dreamy made up men are calling to me. ;)
I haven't been able to bring myself to do my homework, so all I have been doing is writing my harry potter fan fiction (Brighter Than Neon), or browsing through Deviant Art drawings of the marauders and others of that era. I am absolutely (and I use quotes for a reason lol) "in love" with James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. The way they were meant to be, not how the movies made them *gag*. My story brings to life the way I imagine them. It makes me want to sink right into that world and never leave. But alas, 'tis not real. :(
I've also been listening to a lot of music today. We got a lot of snow last night. About 3-4 inches. It's about the most I've seen here, anyway. Which means that my class was cancelled, and that I've been on my recliner all day, with my beloved computer. Wasting my time, as some might say.
I wish I could give you a more stimulating post, but I want to get back to my music and story. :)
Songs?
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran
Written in the Stars - Westlife
You Don't Have to Go - Rachel Platten
Fix You - Coldplay
When I Need You - Leo Sayer
(sense a pattern?)
Anyway, gotta go. Dreamy made up men are calling to me. ;)
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